How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Find Joy in Life

What are limiting beliefs?

Limiting beliefs are beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. Also referred to as self-limiting beliefs, or self imposed limitations, these are not “the sky’s the limit” type of beliefs, but the opposite of that.

Limiting beliefs often start with “I am not…” or “I can’t ….” or “I will never ….” and usually state that you cannot do something. Take a look at some

Examples of limiting beliefs:

I am not flexible.

I can’t write.

I am not photogenic.

I’m not good at math.

I will never make it as an artist. 

I don’t have time.

All good men are taken.

I don’t have what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur.  

I like to think of limiting beliefs as putting yourself into a box, and then putting a label on top of it. I’ll illustrate that with a story in a little bit. 

Characteristics of limiting beliefs:

First of all, limiting beliefs are usually FALSE.

For example, if you didn’t do well in math at school, it doesn’t mean you are not good at it. You were probably one of twenty-some students in the class and the teacher could not have possibly given you individual attention. If you had a private tutor who had poured time and energy into you to make sure you understood the material, the outcome of the math situation might have been different. 

On top of that, if you actually got excited about math and practiced a lot, would you still say you are not good at math? Of course not! You would have evidence that would confirm the “I’m good at math” narrative.

Therefore, the statement “I”m not good at math” is simply not accurate and not true because the amount of INPUT was not adequate for a different result. 

The second reason limiting beliefs suck is because they affect how we manifest and we end up MANIFESTING more of the NONSENSE that we actually don’t want!

For example, just because online dating hasn’t been working out for you, does not mean that all men on dating apps are jerks. I know it’s hard to remain positive when life has shown you over and over again the evidence of the contrary, but… In a situation like this I’d prefer to avoid using a limiting belief statement of “all men are jerks”, because then my language and thinking manifest more of that into my life. 

The third characteristic of limiting beliefs is that they KEEP YOU SAFE. It sounds like a good thing, but it’s not. Everything worth having lies on the other side of discomfort and fear.

If you want to live wholeheartedly, as Brene Brown says, there will be friction. Friction of hard work, facing fears and showing up. If you keep listening to the voice of limiting beliefs, you won’t get anywhere. In a little bit we will uncover the true nature of limiting beliefs that will make it easier to overcome them. 

The good news about limiting beliefs is that, just like a sticker you put on a journal or a label you affix to a box, they can be removed. Some are easier to peel off, while others are nasty clingers that will require some spiritual Goo-gone to be rid of permanently. 

Check out my story.

While growing up in the Soviet Union, many of my classmates in elementary school went to a music school. There, for years, several times a week, they learned to play piano. As a daughter of a busy teacher of physics and astronomy, I signed myself up for dance lessons and started going to dance school.

When at a certain point, my mom asked me if I wanted to play piano, I told her: I have dance four times a week, when can I possibly play piano? (Seriously, what else was i doing at the age of 8, i could’ve fit in ten more activities!) Other parents didn’t ask their kids, they just made them go there. My mom asked, and I turned out that opportunity.  

Somewhere along the way, I started perceiving people who knew how to play a musical instrument as talented. I never learned how to play piano, therefore, I had no talent. This limiting belief of “I’m not talented” = “I am not creative” stayed with me for years. 

This brings us to the next point, 

Where do limiting beliefs come from?

Limiting beliefs can come from anywhere. As I observe my daughters, 9 and 7, interact, I notice some labeling in the way they speak. “Oh, I can’t jump high”, “I’m a slow reader”, or “I’m not flexible”.

As they are growing up and making sense of the world AND themselves, labeling helps them understand where they belong (I’m not a scientist, don’t quote me on that).

I am also pretty certain that many of the labels they stick on themselves are the ones their mommy or daddy wear. 

Just like in the story above, my limiting belief formed in childhood. I have made a false connection in my mind between being able to play a musical instrument (something that requires owning a musical instrument, skill, discipline, thoughtful instruction, or having someone who can teach you, AND constant practice) with talent. I then managed to extrapolate from the “I’m not talented” to “I cannot create”, because, again, I made an erroneous assumption that you MUST posses talent in order to create. 

Thinking about all of this logically now is one thing. HAVING PROOF that it is not true because I became a self-taught photographer and create what others call stunning images is living proof that I CAN CREATE.

Some people say I have a gift, but i don’t know if it is so. The skills in photography came to me because I was seeking out ways to learn, practiced, read, attended workshops, did lots of photoshoots and that’s how I got to where I am today. 

Talent usually accounts for about 2% of what determines the outcome of a situation. So if “I’m not talented” or “I’m not creative” is holding you back from trying your hand at something you feel drawn to, I urge you to stop it right now. 

Limiting beliefs can also come from “well wishers” who might have dropped a careless comment about you.

A friend of mine confided that she always wanted to play guitar. When she was a kid and she went to the only music teacher in the only music school in her town, the teacher carelessly took her hand, sifted through her fingers, and said, “No, your fingers are too weak for guitar. You can’t play it. I can offer you a balalaika instead.”

That little girl grew up, she is now 34, and still carries the hurtful words of an insensitive teacher with her. 

Life itself sometimes gives us numerous situations that are evidence of that thing. To preserve energy, we create a label “I’m this or that” and carry it around as a badge of honor. But again, it all comes back to manifestation, and if that’s what we start to believe and say, we will see more evidence of it. 

How to overcome limiting beliefs. 

The first step in overcoming a limiting belief is AWARENESS that it is limiting you. 

Just like in overcoming addiction and getting sober, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. This step is usually the hardest because it requires SEEING.  

It is usually hard to have awareness because in a way, you must rise above the situation to be able to see it. And since we tend to get mired in our problems, it takes some courage and practice to do that. It wasn’t right away that I realized that I was using the phrase “I’m not creative” as a shield.

Which brings us to the next section.

To overcome a limiting belief, recognize it for what it is and what it does:

A limiting belief wants to be your friend. It wants to keep you safe. It wants to prevent you from falling on your face and embarrassing yourself. It’s like a thick padded blanket that you wrap yourself in AND THEN stick a label on yourself: I am not creative. Therefore, don’t ask me to get vulnerable and make something that others will laugh at. Save me the embarrassment by putting me in a category that doesn’t get asked to create. 

Seeing a limiting belief with such compassion, understanding that it is not an enemy, it just really wants to keep you out of harm’s way is a beautiful way to reframe it. 

A side note:

Some thoughts/beliefs you have about yourself may be true… If you are naturally more inclined toward something, or are naturally not good at something, RECOGNIZING that quality is so empowering. Knowing that something is not your strength gives you the power to rearrange the way you distribute energy, outsource that thing if you can, or learn how to live with it to focus on things you are good at. The important thing here, is to use empowering language.  

How can you tell an empowering statement from a limiting belief? A limiting belief carries a different vibe with it… It is almost as if you know you are supposed to be doing the thing that lies on the other side of effort and hard work, and there is an enormous amount of fear associated with it. With an empowering statement, there is calmness, and power associated with deep knowing of yourself. 

Actionable steps to overcome limiting beliefs 

• Write it out – from a voice in your head to a story you’ve been telling yourself.

• Surround yourself with the right people and community.

• Baby steps to build confidence and fight fear. 

• Release all expectations before you begin 

• Create a new persona and step into her. 

• Flood yourself with motivational content: podcasts, books, videos.

• Use affirmations to plant new beliefs.

Let’s take a look at each one of these items up close.

Write it Out – Get That Voice Out of Your Head 

A limiting belief is a little voice inside your head. Dress in all white, with a halo made of wire and cheap plastic wings, it is actually playing a devil’s advocate. It tries to be your friend but prevents you from stepping into your fullest expression. When the voice lives inside your head, you start perceiving what it says as reality.

If you take out a piece of paper and write down what that voice is telling you, you can start seeing it as a story instead. Just like a story I was telling myself about not being creative because I didn’t know how to play piano.

Show the story aka what the voice tells you to a trusted friend, therapist, life coach. Together you might be able to see what’s real. 

When I finally became aware of my limiting belief “I am not talented, I am not creative and therefore I cannot do photography”, it was life changing! The thing I did not mention is that I had been drawn to photography since my early twenties.

I would spend my last college money on fashion magazines and would pore over the images. I wouldn’t even read the articles! And it wasn’t my desire to be a super model. It was these photographs, photos of gorgeous models, their faces, the shadows, colors, that pulled me in and fascinated me.

I remember years later, when someone would ask me what I liked, I would tell them that I was drawn to photography. I even went to a local college to research a degree in Photography (because later I adopted another belief that “you need a degree/certification to practice art”)

The huge step in my overcoming my limiting belief was my neighbor Kimberly. I told her about my dreams and fears and she told me, “Why don’t you buy a digital camera and try it?”

Such a simple suggestions in response to years and years of mulling over, overthinking and being afraid. So simple yet so profound. 

It brings me to another powerful step in how to overcome your limiting beliefs:

Surround Yourself With the Right People

Surround yourself with the right people. It can be people who are more aware than you, more experienced in the field you feel drawn to, people you trust and respect who have achieved something. Building a community around yourself is going to be instrumental in your success in life. 

The next step is also difficult because we are moving away from thinking and conceptualizing to DOING. 

Small Actionable Steps Despite Fear to Build Confidence. 

The best remedy for fear is ACTION. Do it scared. There’s even a book about that! 

As someone who was drawn to photography, my first steps were to buy a digital camera. Seems simple, right? But from budgetary constraints to all the different makes and types, what do you choose? I did my research and ended up buying the same thing my neighbor Kimberly had (she is an entrepreneur, blogger, food photographer). The camera and accessories cost me about $600. Done. 

When that fancy camera came to my doorstep in an Amazon box, I was excited and overwhelmed. Finally, I can be a part of the photography world. But how in the world can I learn to use this thing with lots of buttons and dials?

To make this part easier for myself, I signed up for two classes at a local art school: Basics of Digital Photography and Introduction to Photoshop. Classes were held in person and one of my teachers looked like Santa Claus. Both classes taught me some basics and gave me confidence and encouragement to continue.

It was during the classes with Santa, who gave us assignments to photograph portraits, that I fell in love with photographing people. It was after doing photoshoots with a friend and my husband in an attempt to practice AND then seeing their reactions to the final photos that I knew I was hooked. 

Going into exploring photography, what helped a lot was not having any expectations. I had no timeline, I had no idea of how this photography journey was supposed to look like, I just went with it. 

Releasing Expectations

Letting go of attachment to outcome and releasing notions of how things “should be” is so liberating. Your journey is unique to you, therefore, don’t compare yourself to others.

Scientist say that we compare ourselves to others to quickly gauge how we are doing. Are we similar to everyone else, are we better, are we worse? The problem is that we rarely take into consideration the other, “invisible” factors. I remember comparing myself to other photographers on Instagram, or thinking that I need an art degree to be a “real” photographer.

The best tip here would be to stay in your lane, focus on what you need to do, and chip away. Stay curious without expectations and see where the journey leads you! 

Creating a Persona to Become The Most Amazing Version of You

Another thing that helped me step into my artist was creating an alter ego persona for the person I wanted to become.

The truth is, the persona had already been created a couple years ago. One time I met a woman who impressed me so much with her confidence, her ability to hold everyone’s attention and to captivate the room, that I named my alter ego after her – Francesca. She struck me so much with the power that she had that I wanted to become her. 

Francesca was confident, spoke unrushed, and possessed the air about her that made everyone stop and hang onto her every word. And when it was time for me to choose a name for my photography business, I wanted two words to be a part of it: Francesca – my alter ego name, and “bliss” – which is what I experienced when I did photography. My friend suggested the name Francesca Bliss. 

I was scared because I would be a double impostor – not a real artist AND using a fake name. But I went with it. Some may say that having an alter ego/artist name is pretending to be someone else, or hiding behind a name. For me it was the opposite. For me it was stepping into my power more fully. Because Francesca wasn’t afraid. Francesca could wear and be whatever she wanted to be that day and she didn’t care about what other people would say. If she woke up one day and decided to become whatever, she would and she would have no qualms about it, no impostor syndrome, and nobody, I repeat nobody would doubt her ability because ot the way she carried herself and that inner confidence and power that radiated twelve feet out of body. 

Having that alter ego persona, that artist. Francesca Bliss, allowed me to step into her, if only in my thoughts and when scripting scenarios for possible interactions. Channeling my inner artist while for a time setting aside my self-imposed limitations and fears, helped me blossom into the artist I am today. 

Flood Yourself With Positivity

Overcoming limiting beliefs is essentially work in changing how you think, changing your subconscious beliefs. Therefore, immersing yourself in  positivity and inspiring, motivational content is the way to go. I love listening to podcasts and reading books to accomplish that. 

The only word of caution I have about consuming motivational content is this. Be sure to dedicate some time to the DOING as well as learning about doing, which is what we do when we read and watch others talk about it. Unless you take action, and do stuff, you will not get far. I like to listen to podcasts when I drive or go for a walk, while at other times, when I can, I focus on doing. 

As part of flooding yourself with positivity, visual affirmations are great everyday reminders. I created these sticker affirmations for women that don’t allow me to forget the divine power that is within me. Women like to put them on laptops, journals, water bottles, and so on. 

You can also write down positive affirmations and read them aloud daily. The important thing is not just to say them aloud, but to attach some emotion, feeling, or faith to these statements. 

Overcoming Limiting Beliefs is a Way to More Joy in Life

Self-limiting beliefs often hold us back from living in our fullest expression. Many of the things we believe are not fully accurate, or may have been acquired as a result of someone’s negative comment. Challenging limiting beliefs is a great way to free yourself and fully step into living your life’s purpose.

It is stepping more fully into becoming the person you were meant to be, the person the Universe, God, Life wants you to be. It is stepping into your power so you can fully share your gifts and live a life filled with meaning and JOY. 

The steps in overcoming limiting beliefs are surrounding yourself with the right people, taking small actionable steps to build self-confidence, surrounding yourself with the right resources and tools to achieve whatever you set out to achieve. 

On a personal note, overcoming a self-limiting belief of “I’m not creative” opened the door to a world of art and transformed my life. I am a firm believer that the reason I was able to overcome my alcoholism addiction this time around was because of art!

The void that I used to fill up with alcohol got filled up with creativity and allowed me to be and feel whole, and complete. As if creativity healed that gap that was within me and allowed me to get in touch with MYSELF, what’s important for me, WHO I AM. 

Overcoming made up stories of the mind, one thought at a time, we can step more fully into who we are. Aside from being a mother and wife, an entrepreneur, I get to make art, create, and that gives me so much JOY and I want the same for you. ♥

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YouTube's unfair termination of women empowerment channel

Last Saturday morning I woke up to an email from YouTube saying that my channel was terminated. The channel where I shared videos from my photoshoots and interviews with women talking about body acceptance and learning to feel comfortable in their own skin, was taken down.

I started the channel back in 2015 when someone said, you need to have a YouTube channel. I started uploading videos about photoshoots that I’ve done, the spiritual events I attended and more.

Over the last year I decided to focus more on video creation because I thought videos would be an amazing way to amplify voices, connect in community and better ourselves.

YouTube says I violated their sexy and nudity policy.

I studied YouTube Community Guidelines thoroughly to make sure I follow the rules. From ideation to filming and edition, it can take me anywhere from 10 to 40 hours to create. How foolish of me would be to do all the work KNOWING that there is a risk of having it all disappear in an instance?

Let me walk you through the types of videos I had on my channel, and how they compare to other content that is plentiful on YouTube.

One of my recent videos was an interview with a woman named Katie who lives at a naturist resort. I admired Katie for how confident she was in her body and I decided to film an interview with her, in the hopes of inspiring people. Video interviews with Katie focused on:

• body acceptance

• rising together in sisterhood

• living in nature

• being authentic and true to yourself

Though this video got close to 230K views, it has ZERO NUDITY in it. A lot of people commented on what a good interview it was explaining the nudist lifestyle and how it is conducive to body acceptance and cultivating self-love.

There is some nudity in my videos, but it is NOT of sexually gratifying intent.

Nudity that is present in my content is of following nature:

• artistic nude photos of women, taken during a Goddess Gathering. These photos fall under the category of ART in the YouTube Community Guidelines, and therefore, should be allowed.

• documentary style video of a woman living in a naturist resort where her private parts are blurred out AND the video is classified as for viewers of “18 and older"

This is the style of artistic nude photography I do to show women that they are A BODY OF ART:

I KNOW FOR A FACT that other creators who take photos like this share their work on YouTube.

When I got interested in artistic nude photography, I came across an amazing site called Model Society. I found it through a video on YouTube that was a slideshow of photographs with a voiceover over it. So why is it ok for THEM to share it, and not for me?

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Model Society. But they are even showing her nipples in one of the THUMBNAILS. Is it because that video has 17 MILLION views at the time of me writing this and therefore keeps driving traffic and revenues for YouTube???

As you can see from the screenshot above, the message in the preview says that “the video may not be suitable for all viewers”. This is what happens when a video is classified as containing adult content, for viewers over 18 years of age. It is the same type of content - ARTISTIC NUDE PHOTOGRAPHY - that is present in my videos!

The purpose of nude photos in my videos was to show how women can feel beautiful and confident in their bodies, how having a photography session like this helps them feel empowered, how they learn to accept their body and be more at home in their own skin.

Another video of mine was a recipe of ceremonial cacao that Katie shares. Katie lives in a naturist resort, and when she made the cacao, she was nude, because that’s her lifestyle! I thought it was ok to share the video just like that, because she didn’t get naked just to entertain the viewers, but she lives and functions like this, I posted the video as is.

YouTube removed that video for violation of sex and nudity so I blurred out all the private parts and posted it again. The ceremonial cacao video is also meaningful because it talks about women’s circles, a powerful connection and healing tool.

The updated cacao video was classified as “for viewers 18 or older” AND had all the fun parts blurred out. Just like this video here does:

It is possible that YouTube bots flagged my channel because of the words “nude”, “naked”, “naturist”. When I run a search using these words, A LOT of channels and videos pop up. Those videos do not violate Community Guidelines and neither do mine! The only difference between me and these channels is that they have huge subscriber base.

I read somewhere online that YouTube is more lenient toward large channels. Is it because they are a source of higher ad revenue?

The thing is, my channel didn’t even violate the rules!

Another video on my channel was about a bodypainting experience that I personally had. The video touched on the subjects of body acceptance and stepping away from an idealized version of what a body “should look like”. It was also an art transformation, and body painting videos are plentiful on YouTube. Though it may look like I am nude at the first glance, I had pasties over my nipples and nude color thong on. Does that make me nude?? I don’t think so.

There was one more video that could have potentially been problematic. It was a video about a tantra healer’s Goddess Photoshoot. In one of the scenes Kim is topless and being playful on the beach as I photograph her. The entire scene is less than a minute. Again, it falls under the category of ART, but if YouTube is so offended by it, I can cut out that part, or blur it out.

Do you see now where the frustration comes from? When I read the rules and self-identify that it is ok and then see that others are doing what I identified as ok, then I’m ok too, right? Is it a double standard? The big YouTubers with millions of views who bring in tons of revenue for the ads are ok, but small creators like me are not? IT’S NOT FAIR!

For me, this YouTube channel is not just a way to promote my photography business, which provides livelihood for me and my three kids, my family. This is my LIFE’S MISSION.

Seeing beauty in ourselves, loving and accepting ourselves is the first step to loving, or at least accepting others. It’s a path to harmony and peace with oneself and with the rest of world.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

The very fact that you are reading this helps a lot! Thank you!

Other ways in which you can help me get my Goddess Mirror YouTube Channel back:!

• leave a comment with the words “I SUPPORT YOU” underneath this article. Feel free to leave a longer comment but I would advise against profane or violent language;

• share this article on social media;

• Tweet (X?) at @TeamYouTube on X about unfair channel termination;

• if you know a publicist, or someone who works for a newspaper, magazine, TV station, or another publication who would want to talk about this publicly, please connect us. I intend to reach all channels and not give up until I get it back!

• if you know anyone who works at YouTube who could help, please pass this on or connect us. If a human (not a bot) looks at my channel, they will be able to see that there is no pornography or sexually gratifying content there. They should be able to see my channel for what it is - a place to empower women, amplify voices, and rise together in sisterhood.

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Thank you so much for reading this and for supporting me. This is the time when I most need you support and your willingness to help means the world to me! I appreciate you so much!

With love and gratitude,

Francesca Bliss

the official story of how I got started in photography

I was sitting outside of my apartment smoking as I saw them carry furniture and lots of boxes into the apartment two doors down.

She was a below average woman with disheveled strawberry blond hair, glasses, and plump cheeks. I shyly waived, said hello and went back to my smoking meditation.

One thing smoking does for you is that it allows you to see your neighbors much more often than you would otherwise. I was born in Russia, where you go to your neighbors to borrow salt, eggs, or a chaser for your vodka. The lady’s name was Kimberly and when I ran out of cigarettes, I would bum them from her. We would talk more and more. One day when I knocked on her door, she was on the phone so she waived for me to come in.

As I crossed over the threshold, it was like I entered another world. There were books everywhere - in the bookcase, on the table, some books in freshly arrived Amazon boxes on the floor next to her desk. I saw an altar set up next to a Quan Yin tapestry on the wall, but back then I didn't know it was Quan Yin. The scent of incense was filling the air, candles burning among crystals and statues of more than thirty Goddesses all over the room. Her apartment was like a Goddess wonderland, something that I had never seen before in my life.

Kimberly was the one who taught me about Goddesses, took me to my very first Moon Circle, gave me books about spirituality. She opened up a whole new world for me. She also showed me her digital camera - it was a Canon Rebel 3Ti - the camera she used for taking photos for her food and Goddesses blogs. When I told her about how photography always fascinated me, she said, “Why don’t you get a digital camera and give it a try?”

Don’t you love it how people who give advice always make it sounds so easy?

Spend $600 on a camera and do it.

Is there a guarantee that it will all work out fine and it will be the correct decision? $600 is a lot of money after all! And how do I do it? I have never studied photography.

“You can sign up for a class at the Boca Raton Museum School of Art so they can teach you the basics.”

Oh… Well… If you put it that way it doesn’t sound that complicated anymore… I think. I have always liked it, after all. Maybe it is worth a shot?

Maybe it is worth a shot... or maybe two! who's counting anyway? Shots is what I loved doing at that time. Along with beer and wine of any color. The wine had a tendency to run out when you were having the best time and forced me to go get another bottle which ended up being too much. This was the story of my life for many years. I knew I had a drinking problem and my attempts to stop the addiction ended in me in front of the bottle sooner or later. After I realized I needed help, I went to an all-women’s AA group on April 18, 2013 and have been sober since. Oh, I also quit smoking on the following day.

Now that my evenings and weekends were not filled with the fog of inebriation, the little voice inside me was getting louder and louder. The voice that I had been ignoring since my early twenties. The voice that kept telling me to try my hand at photography. The voice that was filled with trepidation every time I would spend my last college money on a fashion magazine to look at the pictures inside. I handled each magazine with so much care as if it was sacred.

That voice that I no longer shut up with alcohol made me by the same digital camera as my neighbor Kimberly had. And to make things easier, I followed Kimberly’s advice to the tee. I signed up for Introduction to Digital Photography and Photoshop for Beginners class at a local art school. If I fail miserably, it wasn’t my idea - my neighbor made me do it.

And here I am, nine years later, calling myself Francesca Bliss, the artist, the Goddess photographer, the intuitive artist… I cannot imagine my life without photography and the women whose lives I help transform. I have followed my bliss and became Francesca Bliss :)

As I reflect on this experience of getting started I have a revelation.

Our brains love certainty. It is predictable, therefore, safe.

Starting something new means UNcertainty = scary

And because we want a guarantee of a pretty outcome with a bow on top, we decide go forego the experience altogether.

There is no bow on top and it’s NOT pretty.

It is messy, it is awkward because you have no idea what you are doing.

Sometimes it is expensive and it makes you make sacrifices.

It is also joyful, makes you meet new friends, and opens up a whole new world to you and it makes you grow, grow, GROW.

I am so thankful for Kimberly and other people on my path who have encouraged me to follow my bliss. And I feel that it is now my duty to pass the same teachings onto other people who might need a nudge to pursue their dreams. My words of wisdom are the quote by John Burroughs that I first read in Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way:

“Jump and the net will appear.”

The Universe is mysterious this way, it supports you in your desires of the heart. You just need to start. There is magic in action. The magic that will take you onto the other side, the side where your dreams live. The worst thing that can happen is that you try and you don't like it. And the best thing? Well... The best thing depends on HOW MUCH you end up loving it :)

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artistic self-portrait

My eight-week-old daughter has a pacifier with a pink flower on it.  When I look at her angelic face as she sleeps peacefully with this flowered pacifier in her mouth, the whole world stops.

After I created this self-portrait I realized that the inspiration for the idea came from my daughter! On the conscious level I was experiencing what I call artistic hunger - not having an outlet for my creativity due to not having shot in over a month. My husband had given me a dozen red roses for our fourth-year anniversary and I made up my mind to photograph them. Since I am not as keen on photographing objects as opposed to people, it struck me as a brilliant idea to do a self-portrait. No makeup, but luckily, freshly washed hair, a nursing bra stained with breastmilk, I set up a tripod while my daughter was napping in a swing. I threw wide open the blinds of the window and set up the camera to shoot in natural light as the sun was slowly making its way toward the horizon. To be honest, I hate doing self-portraits because a). it is hard to be the model and photographer at the same time; b). modeling is really hard despite all the confident posing instructions I give when shooting; c). my face is extremely asymmetrical and even though I find its reflection in the mirror to be pleasing, I become highly aware of this asymmetry when looking at photos of myself. Despite all of these obstacles, I was resolute on getting a shot with which I could further play around in post-editing and create into something magical. That was the goal. I used a 50 mm lens, my go-to lens for portraiture. Taking a self-portrait is hard not only in terms of getting the right expression on your face since you cannot see yourself (some recommend using a mirror for that), but also from the technical standpoint - getting a sharp, focused image. I set up the chair on which I would be sitting, placed a floor lamp at the level and distance from the camera where my face would be, auto focused on it and then switched to manual focus. Despite the fact that I did not have a lot of natural light available, in order to make my face and the rose look in focus, I had to use a higher depth of field, so I set my aperture at f7.1, and to compensate for small aperture I set my shutter speed at 1/40 and ISO at 1600. It took a lot of running back and forth from my "stage" to the camera and minor adjustments in where I sat to get a clear focused shot. After experimenting with different positions of the rose (the original idea was to have two roses instead of the eyes) and adjustments in the camera, I came up with this shot. Then some Photoshop magic and, voila, here you have it.

The more I look at my portrait, the more I like it. First of all, I like it because I look good :) Though I am not perfect: the asymmetry of my face is quite evident in this photograph (even though I made my left eye longer (l ♥ Photoshop), it is still shorter than the right one); the crease on my right eyelid is the result of sleep deprivation (how much sleep can you get with a new baby?); and my nose is not symmetrical either but the rose partially hides it. Someone told me once that when a person dies, his face becomes completely symmetrical. I don't even know if it true, but if it is, I have a very long life ahead of me! In any case, I did not make my face look perfect in Photoshop because I don't believe in making people look like perfect dolls, but prefer to preserve the natural imperfections that make each and every one of us unique.

Now, the coolest part about this self-portrait is how meaningful it is to me. First, it was inspired by those I love deeply and my love for them defines, in part, who I am. A vibrant red rose in place of my mouth symbolizes communicating not by means of words, but by means of imagery. My eyes closed yet I can see - I am witness to a beautiful dream that I myself create. No makeup, no fancy hair or clothes - simplicity - just the essential. And like my daughter, sucking on her pacifier for the calming and soothing it provides, I am tranquil and at peace with all. This is who I am. This is MY dream. My life is a DREAM... 

Originally published on June 4, 2015

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